Today, I watched you play your first baseball game. I cried. A lot of moms cry over things like that but, for me, the reason was very different. The world has been whispering in my ear since the day you were diagnosed with Autism, “She’ll never be able to…”. I promised myself I wouldn’t believe those words about you. I’d always see past your disability, no matter how difficult things might become. I vowed to focus solely on your amazing abilities and nothing less. I’d be a champion for you and you’d know anything was possible.
Then difficult became reality. I let fear and exhaustion take hold. I let the whispers become screams. Not only did I hear the world telling me that you’d never be able to do so many things, but I started to believe it. In the fight to understand you, I failed you. It breaks me to admit it, but I’m not always the champion for you that I vowed I would be. My words told you that you could do anything. My actions told you not to risk it.
Today, I watched you bounce excitedly across home plate. Giggling and clapping, your eyes shined with pride and, in this moment of great accomplishment, it hit me…it’s not my job to tell you that you can do anything. My job…my privilege…is to show you that you can do anything through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13). To be on your team. To believe in you, always. To ignore the whispers of the world and hear the clear, strong voice within that reminds me just how incredible you are.
Many things in this life will feel impossibly beyond your reach. Many people will tell you that you don’t have what it takes. The truth is, sometimes we don’t. I don’t have what it takes to be the mother you deserve. Not on my own. There were so many moments in this life that would have defeated me had I tried to draw from my own strength, rather than His. So many moments when I just couldn’t keep going and He carried me.
Your challenges may leave you feeling alone. People may be cruel. You may end up feeling lost and the world may whisper time and time again that you won’t be able to find your way. Know that, just as He did today out on that baseball field, God will always be there to bring you home.
I’m so proud of you, Baby.
Your Forever Teammate,